Grace and Forgiveness

We’ve been talking about the subject of grace, the law, or obedience, and the way to salvation. We’ve seen that obedience is really doing things God’s way. And when we do things God’s way, we have a more centered, a more foundational, life; but not necessarily a life free from pain and struggle—recall the story of the two men who built their homes, one respectively on the rock, the other on the sand. Obedience, we’ve learned, is not the way of salvation.

And while we’ve seen grace as a free gift of God, we’ve also seen that free gifts are hard to understand and hard to accept. Grace elicits, we’ve discovered, strong emotions—of disbelief and joy, of anger, even rejection. And we’ve seen that a fall from grace is defined as placing your own work into judgment. Or, as Paul says:

You have been severed from Christ, you who are seeking to be justified by the Law; you have fallen from grace. (Galations 5:4)

For the past two weeks we’ve been looking at the parable of the talents as it illuminates the story of grace. We’ve seen that grace must be invested, it must be put to work, it must bring on action. And that involves risk. Playing it safe with grace ends up in outer darkness. Grace properly used is expansive, broad and wide ranging.

The 100% return on the five-talent and two-talent investments that the servants make implies the nature of its growth potential. But buried grace is suffocated. You cannot be cautious with grace. It must be activated. In short, you cannot hoard grace, you must let it grow. You must let it do its thing. Otherwise, you’re doomed to darkness.

As we closed last week, Carolyn asked an important question: What does it mean to be like the one talent servant? How is it that we hoard grace? How can we avoid playing it safe with grace? In practical terms, do we find ourselves at risk for eternal darkness by aborting grace? If so, how do we avoid the falling from grace Paul warned us of?

Hoarding grace is apparently a common condition for fallen Man. Many of Jesus’s parables and stories addressed the topic of hoarding grace, for example: The parable of the Good Samaritan, where the priest and Levi pass on the other side of the road, hoarding grace from the injured man; the parable of the Prodigal Son, where the older son hoards grace from his brother; the parable of the Talents and the servants we’ve been talking about the last couple of weeks; the parable of the Pharisee and the Publican, the former thanking God that he is not like the latter, who admitted he was a sinner in need of grace; and the story of Jesus’s dinner at Simon the Pharisee’s house and the woman with perfume.

All of these and many, many more address the subject of hoarded grace. One of the best is found in Matthew:

 Then Peter came up and said to Him, “Lord, how many times shall my brother sin against me and I still forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy-seven times.

 “For this reason the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his slaves. And when he had begun to settle them, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. But since he did not have the means to repay, his master commanded that he be sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and repayment be made. So the slave fell to the ground and prostrated himself before him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you everything.’ And the master of that slave felt compassion, and he released him and forgave him the debt. But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and he seized him and began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay back what you owe!’ So his fellow slave fell to the ground and began to plead with him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you.’ But he was unwilling, and went and threw him in prison until he would pay back what was owed. So when his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were deeply grieved and came and reported to their master all that had happened. Then summoning him, his master said to him, ‘You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, in the same way that I had mercy on you?’ And his master, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he would repay all that was owed him. My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.” (Matthew 18:21-35)

What we see here is another metaphor for grace. Ten thousand talents is a ridiculous amount of money. The weight of a talent is 72 pounds. So 10,000 talents weighs 720,000 pounds. This is 360 tonnes of gold. It was a ridiculous “bazillion dollar” amount. This is essentially an unlimited supply of grace. This is boundless, lavish, extravagant grace. As a debt, it is utterly impossible to pay. What’s more, it is utterly irresponsible of the master to allow anyone to run up such a debt. It is a dramatic illustration by Jesus of the extravagance of grace. It’s an impossible amount of money.

The forgiven servant then encounters a fellow servant who owes him 100 denarii. Notice the contrast: 100 denarii is 100 days work (in the parable of the vineyard, the master agreed to pay one denarii for a day’s work). This is about three months effort. By doing some overtime and pinching a few pennies, the debt might be repaid in a few months. The contrast between 360 tonnes of gold and three months wages is the key to the story. Once forgiven, we cannot hoard the grace, we must extend it to others.

This then is the judgment: “What did you do with the grace that I gave you?” This is the question that God asks you and me. Grace is powerful enough for minimal or even modest needs. But if you need grace to cover 360 tons of debt, it is good for that too.

As the parable ends, Jesus links grace to forgiveness. What is the difference between grace and forgiveness? Last week, Anonymous asked us to consider the contrast between God’s grace and the grace that we extend to others. We cannot, she said, extend grace like God gives grace. Our grace is imperfect and superficial. Can we forgive like God forgives us? What is the relationship between grace and forgiveness?

Is the difference between what we forgive and what God forgives one of scale? Three hundred and sixty tons of forgiveness is God’s grace. Our grace is 100 denarii worth of forgiveness, as we see in the parable. God’s forgiveness of us here is linked to our forgiveness of others. God’s grace to us is linked to our grace to others. That’s why hoarding grace is so toxic, and leads to outer darkness. God’s forgiveness and his grace are unlimited. The 360 tons is a metaphor for something which is unlimited. Is our forgiveness to others to be unlimited as well? What does Jesus man mean when he tells Peter 70 times seven?

But there is more it seems to God’s forgiveness than meets the eye. And herein might be a revelation for us in this startling and eye opening passage from Scripture.

“I, I alone, am the one who wipes out your wrongdoings for My own sake,
And I will not remember your sins. (Isaiah 43:25) (emphasis in original)

David prayed:

For the sake of Your name, Lord,
Forgive my wrongdoing, for it is great. (Psalm 25:11)

John the apostle wrote:

I am writing to you, little children, because your sins have been forgiven you on account of His name. (1 John 2:12)

And the Psalmist again wrote:

He guides me in the paths of righteousness
For the sake of His name. (Psalm 23:3)

I have spent much of my life worrying about my sins. I always thought that God forgave me for my sake, so that I would be clean. But Scripture says he forgives our sins for his sake, not mine. What does that mean? I recognize my sin. I confess my sin and ask for forgiveness. God forgives me. He then crosses out that sin in the book of remembrance. My record is now clean. I’m good to go. That’s how I thought it always worked. Why does God forgive for his sake?

Sin, it seems, remains a blot on his Creation. He is restoring things because that’s what God does. That’s who God is. Grace for me, restoration of the Creation for God himself. Is it also not possible that forgiveness in general is not for others, but is for us as well? Is it possible that like God, we forgive for our own sake as well? Perhaps it is a principle of forgiveness that it benefits the forgiver as much or more as it benefits the forgiven.

According to the parable, forgiveness benefits the forgiven only when it is passed along. The man forgiven a debt of 10,000 talents doesn’t benefit from it, because he doesn’t pass it along. If it’s true that we, like God, are to forgive for our own sakes, then failing to forgive is really a sin against ourselves. And since the Holy Spirit is the medium of self awareness, failure to forgive our sin, for our sake, is really a sin against the Holy Spirit— the unpardonable sin.

We travel through life with the notion that in order to forgive others, they should show contrition and ask for forgiveness. But this is not the case. We must forgive others for our sake, for our benefit. It heals us, regardless of what the forgiven person shows. I’m not saying it is easy, but I believe it partially answers Carolyn’s question of how to prevent ourselves from hoarding grace.

Donald asked last week: Why do we fear passing on the grace? Why are we driven to bury the talent rather than to risk its investment? It is fear, he said. But what are we afraid of? We fear that in some way, we’re doing something wrong. The very fear that we’re doing something wrong is, in and of itself, a rejection of grace. Perfect grace, like perfect love, casts out fear. Last week, David shared his testimony about how he ran into grace—or maybe a better way of saying is how grace ran into him. He had an experience like the Damascus Road experience of Saul becoming Paul.

How do you encounter grace? To paraphrase William Shakespeare, talking about greatness, we might say some are born with grace, like John the Baptist or Moses; some find grace in desperation, like Jonah and Noah; and some have grace thrust upon them, like Saul and Balaam. God knows how you should best receive and respond to the grace he wants you to have, how best you should encounter grace. He has grace just right for you, and grace just right for me. Don’t forget the number one rule of grace: Never underestimate God’s grace; and the number two rule: Playing it safe with grace leads to outer darkness.

So what are your thoughts about grace and forgiveness? About forgiving like God, who forgives for his sake, and how to avoid the hoarding of grace and therefore, avoid our utter darkness? About the idea that in practical terms, my hoarding of grace is linked to my unwillingness to forgive and to let go? Are you holding out forgiveness for someone? Am I holding out forgiveness for someone? Is this how we hoard grace?

C-J: I think that we have a tendency to categorize sin in terms of little sin big sin—”Oh, I can’t believe that happened! That’s gonna be a heavy load!” There are several books on languages of love about how we know we are loved by somebody, depending on what our language of love is, and how we love somebody back, also using oftentimes our own view of what love is, how it is expressed or how we want to express it.

This is a timely discussion for me. A neighbor and I were just talking about a woman whose mother was a prostitute. The woman was a result of a liaison and she became a prostitute as well—her mother taught her how. Her mother died this past January.

Her roommate was once her client. When her mother died, I asked him what was going to happen to her. He said “I don’t know.” I said, “It was a pretty big thing for her—to watch her mother die. Maybe you could help her.” So he gave her some time to collect herself and decide what she was going to do moving forward.

She did not return his kindness, however. She continued her lifestyle. It hurt him, because I had encouraged him to forgive her and to see the good that he did by providing a free home for her while she adjusted to the loss of her mother. He went down a list of what she did to him: Disrespecting him, disrespecting everything.

I think it’s easy for us to look at other people who do what is wrong around us Christians trying to make good choices, being a good ambassador for our relationship with God and our faith. And yet how hard it is for me personally, sometimes, to be mindful of others. Desperate people do desperate things, whether it’s real or imagined. It is not justifying our sin—it is feeling we don’t have another option, or we don’t know any other way of being.

As Christians, we have received grace, unmerited favor. As Christians we recognize that sacrifice, and how unforgiveness really is a poison to us, to our soul. People walk around with that poison all the time. They’re angry but don’t know why They’re hollow but don’t know how they became empty. But we know, because it’s an artesian well of love from our God that we can never pay back. It restores us, it heals us, and it gives us courage everyday to be mindful of what we’ve been given. Not that we owe it to others, but that we be an ambassador of that grace, we extend it to others.

I know that may sound convoluted, but I stood there listening to my neighbor and sharing this conversation. It is something Christians do all the time. But to be able to do it with an unbeliever as he was processing his anger was a gift to me and, I hope, a gift to him.

Donald: I am thinking, “Okay, who have I done wrong to, or who do I feel has done wrong to me, and how does that work? And should I forgive?” At what point do you just say, “Okay, you be you and I’ll be me, we don’t have to be the same. I think that in reality, we have never lived (at least, I can’t remember) in a time in which people are so divided. On the smaller scale we ask “Who’s done me wrong and who have I done wrong to?” But on the larger, real-life scale, how generous are we with each other?

The world is cut in two right now, or the country at least. There’s a great divide and we are not willing to look at the other side and forgive or even accept them. I think it’s easier to think on the smaller scale about “Somebody did me wrong. Okay, let’s figure out how to care for that.” The reality is, on a day to day basis, we do not agree. We’re de-friending on Facebook. It’s Us and Them. If you’re polite, you coexist. But I don’t think we’re very generous in accepting.

David: Facebook gives its users the ability to brand and de-friend someone in a heartbeat. It fosters shallow relationships and makes you wonder how much is forgiveness worth on Facebook? Is it worth as much as forgiveness face to face? What kind of forgiveness will people in the future understand and practice? Will it all be shallow Facebook forgiveness? Is that the kind of forgiveness the Bible is talking about?

Donald: That certainly is where relationships seem to be, especially in these times of pandemics. People crave “Likes” and “Friends.” Some have 5,000. You can throw something at the wall on Facebook and people may react that they don’t want to be a part of your world anymore. The divide is the point. It’s not a matter of having wronged somebody, it’s a matter of not liking the way someone thinks and walking away from them.

C-J: I think it goes to discernment. As Christians, I think that God gives us a gift of discernment. Don’t cast your pearls before swine, but love them anyway. We’re all looking for acceptance, we all want people to love us as we are. But we also have a task, as Christians, to be mindful of what we’re building. Our foundation is Christ. But we’re building who we are in terms of gifts and talents and people that we bump into and those that we allow to come into us and help us to enlarge and grow and see things in a different way that we may not have considered—our mentors, teachers, friends, even extended family, like our group.

But really we’re building our relationship to this platform. Everybody here is building a relationship through this platform that’s based on the foundation of our faith and this belief system. And so I think when we have discernment, which is a gift—it’s taught, it has to be practiced, but it’s a gift—that we are in a position to be that ambassador. I know that sounds like a “check the box” type of paragraph but really that’s what we’ve been charged with as Christians: To be a witness.

I’m not saying you need to repent, be baptized, and believe in this and dedicate your life to this lifestyle. God has never called me to be an evangelist, but I hope that my life and the choices I make, and the Holy Spirit resident within me, does the rest. Whether I’m talking to my neighbor or standing in the grocery line, and I say “Thank you” it seems nobody cares, nobody’s paying attention; but sometimes that silence speaks the loudest.

Kiran: That fear is the sign of rejection of grace makes sense, because grace is supposed to cast out all fear. So if I’m fearful of my salvation and God’s judgment it is because I don’t understand what grace is, I don’t understand the nature of God. And then I’m fearful. It’s like the servant given one talent.

I also like the notion that forgiveness is for your own sake and God also forgives others for his own sake. I see that a lot of us don’t forgive our own selves. It’s all mixed with accepting grace and accepting the fallen nature of human beings. On Facebook, most people who hate themselves, who are tired of a situation they can’t fix, go there and yell. The natural reaction is to yell back.

It’s a hard lesson to learn that when you pull that person aside and talk to them, you realize they’re crying inside and all they need is grace. They want someone to extend the grace that was given to them. And it’s difficult. They don’t want to believe you. They hate themselves, they doubt themselves, they think you’re fooling them, you’re manipulating them. But if you persevere in saying the same thing over and over, and act accordingly yourself, eventually things change. On Facebook all I see are people who need grace, who hate themselves. Sometimes, because of others’ manipulation, they think that all the pain they’re experiencing is because of some group or issue or because of President So-and-so.

But how do we talk to them about this grace that we enjoy so much, and how do I forgive my own self? These are difficult questions. I am much more brutal towards myself than towards other people. When I make a mistake, I just beat myself to death. This has implications on how I treat other people. I treat the people I love the most the way I treat myself.

So learning this forgiveness and forgiving our own selves and forgiving others has so much benefit for our own selves. Understanding how many tons of “gold” (forgiveness) we got and how little of it we’re extending to others gives us perspective. Sometimes we think we are giving too much to other people, but in the light of eternity and the big picture of how much God is forgiving us, we need perspective.

Don: I’ve always said that Facebook is a town without a sheriff. Maybe it’s a religion without grace.

David: Mark Zuckerberg is working on that. He’s creating a religion within Facebook as I think some of you may have heard.

Janelin: I’m listening to what everyone’s saying and it’s interesting that we’re talking about this. This week was super challenging for me. As Donald said, we’re just so divided and as C-J said, we’re supposed to represent Christ and extend grace. But our behaviors are so emotionally driven.

I was at a school board meeting for three hours. It was just so shocking to me to see how people with different opinions can behave. It was a meeting for parents and physicians trying to promote universal masking, just to protect our kids. But the behavior of others was amazing—the disrespect and the heckling. I was shocked. I couldn’t sleep that night, I just couldn’t understand people’s behavior, not even listening to others.

The following day, when I went into clinic, I had maskless patients come in. They were not very kind to me. I had never seen them before. Of course, I had to keep telling them about their mask and I was just getting frustrated. The guy just needed some things filled out and I was already running behind. I stepped out, I just needed to get out of the room. But then I realized this poor kid might not get what he needs to get to play his sports.

I was thinking I could easily say no or I should just let it go aside. I didn’t sleep the night before on the same exact topic. And they were extremely rude. I decided to go ahead and do the physical that they needed, even though I shouldn’t have to, during my lunch. But it wasn’t me. Somehow I put all my frustration aside. I realized that when we represent as a Christian in our daily lives, it’s not me. With my heated temper, I would have just left.

I was so boiled when I got out of that room but then I somehow calmed down and told myself I needed to put this aside and figure out the best approach. I don’t know how I did it, but I did. And at the end of the day, I’m thinking: “Oh, my goodness, that was not me!” because I have a temper. It goes back to representing Christ—not ourselves—in extending grace. That is for sure. I just know that it’s never me doing any of that kindness. There are two different sides of me!

Donald: I guess it’s become so political that it’s really not a discussion anymore. It’s a matter of which side you fall on. You become so angry about the other side that forgiveness becomes a really big problem. Before it was just you and your neighbors, but now we have mass communication. It makes me want to retire to the woods!

David: By training and by predisposition—by wanting to become doctors—physicians have a natural ability to forgive. When a patient arrives in the emergency room high on drugs and destroying his own body, the doctor doesn’t judge and refuse to treat the patient. It’s relatively easy for physicians to forgive, I think, compared to some of the rest of us. I applaud and admire them for that.

C-J: It’s not about forgiveness, it’s understanding what you’re looking at. I think globally, humanity feels lost, and it’s very scary. They don’t know where truth is. They feel they’ve lost a lot, their homes, their jobs, their future, the things we took for granted. We look to the United States government to keep us safe and stable, and it’s just a hot mess. We look at global issues, and we say they’re on the other side of the globe, but they do affect us in consuming resources.

And now because of data that’s everywhere, just bombarding us, we realize that other people are treated in ways we wouldn’t even treat an animal: Locked into rooms to build merchandise, denied food, denied access to legal systems, denied access to medical, dying in the street on the sidewalk because there’s no room in a hospital. The list is long.

I don’t think it’s about being divided. It’s being able to state honestly, authentically, how afraid every human being is right now. We have children. What is our legacy? Our planet is literally burning up. You and I can look out our window and say “I remember when….” I say—frequently—I’m glad I’m old. Are the children who are coming now going to have what we had, in the most basic sense?

Is the government going to insert itself and make us dependent on them? For Americans, that’s like, “Oh, no, that is not happening here! I don’t want to stand in breadlines. When I want to turn on electricity, I want it to be there. I want my water to be clean.” The list is long. I think it’s about this profound fear that cannot be defined that we all are experiencing. There is no safe place. And we are completely out of control as individuals and subject to things we don’t even understand.

Reinhard: In today’s society, there are so many issues we are dealing with, including different viewpoints, as on Facebook. In Jesus’ time, the issues were less complicated. His response to the disciples about forgiving others in terms of immaterial things perhaps hurt some feelings. Jesus taught us to ask for forgiveness for our sins in the Lord’s Prayer,

To forgive other people and to accept forgiveness from others depends on our character. Some people have thin skins and are easily offended. Others have thick skins and are hard to offend. As we learn to live a good Christian life, we also have to be sensitive to the thickness or thinness of skin of the person we are dealing with.

C-J: I watched a documentary on Corrie ten Boom, a Dutch Jew who hid children whose parents were missionaries, during World War Two. She and her sister took care of them. They ended up in a concentration camp because she loaned money to a man who then denounced her to the Nazis. After the war, she met that man and he asked for her forgiveness. The documentary showed photographs of what those camps were like. Her own narrative in her own voice had been recorded about what it was like to see death all around you, to not know one day to the next.

She said he stood there with his hand out asking for forgiveness and at first she couldn’t find it within herself to forgive him. But then she remembered what Christ had done for her, and she chose to forgive. And in that moment, she was transformed also.

I met this woman when she was in her 80s. I went to her because she was giving words of knowledge—she had the gift of the word of knowledge, as well as healing—and she said to me, “Go forth, and God will give you great courage.” At that time, it didn’t mean anything to me. But as I lived my life, I realized the power of the Holy Spirit that brought those simple words to daily truth in her as she chose to survive where she was. She had watched her sister and many, many others die horrible, slow deaths.

I think the word courage is paramount. It takes courage to forgive those who don’t even know the condition of their spirit. We are constantly in fellowship with God through the Holy Spirit about our condition—we are aware of where we are lacking. It brings me to a humility, a complete awareness of God’s abundant, unmeasurable grace, and the opportunity to have the courage to forgive those who don’t deserve it. Instead of blaming them for the bad choices they have made, we hold them and say, “I am sorry, how can I help you?” That is the grace of God.

Reinhard: We want peace, not hard feelings. Peace is the key. When we forgive people, then the burden is removed even though we may believe we are in the right.

Kiran: A person like Corrie ten Boom would probably have forgiven whether her persecutor asked for it or not. If God forgive our sins for his sake, why doesn’t he just forgive? Why do we have to ask him for forgiveness? There is some sort of benefit in recognizing our fault, examining our own self, realizing our own fault, and going to the person whom we wronged.

It’s one thing to forgive someone who hurt us for our own sake. But it’s another thing to realize what we have done to others and asking for forgiveness, because that actually benefits both sides. The exercise of asking for forgiveness itself is a painful process. For some reason, God wants us to do that. When we pray, he wants us to say, “I’m sorry, I did this wrong and that wrong.” That exercise benefits us.

Dewan: Jesus also forgave his enemies. But at the same time, we must be wise, like a snake. Jesus came to restore the broken relationship between God and people, both Jews and Gentiles.

Pastor Giddi: I have been wondering ever since I started my theological studies why, when the good news came to India in the first century AD, it still has not reached every nook and corner of India and people are still sitting in darkness? I think that as a Christian I am only the recipient. I’m not willing to share this forgiveness with others. Maybe this is one of the reasons why the gospel has not reached everywhere in India. Once we receive forgiveness, we must extend it, otherwise there’s no meaning for our forgiveness. Forgiveness can reach and convert people.

Bryan: I’ve always had a problem trying to transcribe Christ’s character traits—like grace and mercy and forgiveness—to human character traits. In my opinion, forgiveness gives us a feeling that we have been wronged, which puts us in a position of power over the person who has wronged us, which I think misses the point.

Forgiveness, like grace and mercy, are God’s freely given gifts and for us as humans to try and impart those to other people is a very difficult thing, if not impossible. We hear that it’s beneficial for us to forgive people that we have been wronged by. I took care of a lady yesterday who was using my services because of an assault she had experienced. A guy beat her up really badly, rolled her up in a carpet, duct-taped it, and left her for dead. But she didn’t die, obviously. The guy went to prison for attempted murder. He found religion in prison, became a chaplain and wrote her a letter to ask her for forgiveness. And she did.

We think, “Wow, that’s really amazing! I’ve never been in a position like that.” The things we experience are trivial in comparison. I’m just glad that God has those traits of grace and mercy and forgiveness, and that we can claim them. But for me to try to pass those on to other people is not as easy as it seems with the divisions that we experience now in society.

Forgiveness is fleeting. If we can accept it from God, then I guess we can do what we can to pass it on. But for me, it’s really hard. I’m just grateful for those three things in my life and grateful to claim them from God.

Don: One part of the parable that stands out is the contrast between 360 tons of gold and 100 denarii. This is a dramatic difference in terms of quantity. So to Bryan’s point, which I think is a good one, what we have to forgive is pretty miniscule compared to what God forgives us. I think that’s the point of the parable. The dramatic difference between something which is essentially unlimited, the sheer inability to repay, and something which has very definable and finite limits, is the contrast between what we’re asked to do and what God does for us.